More Signs

What do they say about unfinished business? I have a check list going for things I'm trying to get done. Delete the emails, give stuff away, make the phone calls...

I came across a couple of emails in my box and here's one:

Shannon,

I’m really not sure how to respond. I know you would like for everything to go back to the way it was, but that is not possible. You want everything swept under the rug, to be forgiven and forgotten. But that can only last until the next time someone rubs you the wrong way and it will be more of the same.

As for the present, you continue to see the situation as you want to see it; that we ganged up on you and were very unfair to you. But you make a pretty formidable gang yourself. The consequences of your actions are enormous. I’m not the only one who turned their life completely upside down to help fulfill your part of a commitment that you continue believe you had every right to renege upon. Turn the situation around. What if it had been one of us who refused to let our work be used in the quilt and you were forced to either show up empty handed to a commitment our group had made or fill in? I spent about 60 hours working on quilt blocks alone during the last two weeks. In addition, I spent time moderating between the group and you and drawing up and altering a new layout based on suggestions by the group. My personal project and family responsibilities were left by the wayside to meet an impossible deadline.

Your scant apologies have never been sincere; what you gave in the way of apologies were a justification of your actions and what you thought we wanted to hear to avoid a censure from us. You bounce between defiance and justification and sorrow for your loss, but you have never been truly sorry for how your actions affected others. I am not angry with you, nor do I harbor any ill will towards you. But I remember the nasty things you said to me at the beginning of the Stephenie Meyer quilt. And I remember the nasty things you said to Wanda when she said she felt badly that you had altered her block. My behavior towards you since the SM quilt has been tailored to suit your needs, to appease your temper and make you feel good about yourself. I quickly learned that disagreeing with you is of no use. I engaged in backbiting with you to soothe you and try to help you. But I made the wrong choice in doing so.

That being said, I don’t think you are a horrible person and I never have. I think you are a person who has struggles, just like the rest of us. The bad is blended in with the good in all of us. I always try to make allowances for personal beliefs, circumstances, opinions in hopes that others will make allowances for me. And I continue to do this for you, but things can’t go back to the way they were. You need to sort a few things out and it is my belief that you would benefit greatly from professional counseling. The difficulties you face are impossible to overcome without an outside moderating voice. But it is up to you to seek out the help you need. No one can solve your problems for you.

If my opinion of you matters at all, you are an excellent quilter and a good person. I enjoyed working with you and love your ideas. But my opinion shouldn’t matter. What matters are the choices you make from here.

Elizabeth

I think I'll hang onto it for awhile. I don't know why I can't bear to part with it...